What an Inspirational Woman.......

I can honestly say I got goosebumps when I heard the following story:

Giuliana Rancic Reveals Battle With Breast Cancer

During everything Husband and I have endured in the past 2 years, I have constantly looked up to Giuliana for the way she handled her own struggles with such dignity and was so open about all of her feelings. She made it ok to talk about infertility and helped spread awareness to so many.

I am a strong believer in the saying "things happen for a reason" and I know God always has a plan, but sometime you are just left wondering WHY?

Our Return

First of all, I cannot express to you how nice it is to be back in the blogging community (once again)! I have enjoyed waking up in the morning and catching up on what so many of you have been up to over the past couple of months! I am just as excited to share what we have been doing (or not doing) as well and hope to have lots of pictures from our trip to Europe up soon.

I wish I could say I am returning to blogging on the best of terms (with Baby Hill on the way), but sadly that is not the case. Husband and I have been doing great the past couple of months- taking time to travel, spending lots of time with family and friends, and focusing on our careers and other goals. I have been wanting to blog these past couple of months, but I honestly have not had the time- and I worried what I would even blog about: we are no longer seeking fertility treatments, we have put a hold on in-vitro, and for a while I even had to stop thinking of babies all together to just enjoy our summer.

But a lot of that changed recently when Husband and I were faced with our greatest test yet: a VERY close family member is expecting a baby. Out of respect to our family, I will be keeping the name, relationship, details, etc out of my posts- BUT since this a blog I created to express our frustrations and difficulty while trying to conceive I think its only fair for me to be able to express my frustrations here (if I cant do it here, where can I??) Husband and I were completely shocked when we learned the news and it is still very new and hurtful to us. We are very grateful for this new life in our family, but have no idea how we will handle all the excitement and happiness that will be around us. What will this upcoming holiday season be like? How will we attend family functions with a smile on our face? Is it wrong for us to ask for space from our family members while we process the news? How do we ask for sensitivity from our family members during this difficult time?

I quickly realized how much I cherish the relationships I have made with so many of you through blogging and how helpful it is to have the support of others around you. Husband and I feel like at this time we are unable to talk to any of our family about our feelings so we have been forced to turn to friends and peers for advice. I know we are not the first infertile couple to struggle with this type of situation and I would love advice from any of you who have been through similar experiences. What worked for you and how did you overcome any feelings of anger, hurt, frustration?

As always, thank you to all of you who have expressed support and encouragement to both Husband and I. We have learned to take these difficult situations 1 step at a time and know that during these hard times our relationships with others and with each other grow stronger.

Tears and Hope

For those of you who are still struggling (or have struggled), I recently found this video that has helped me through some hard times:

Tears and Hope- Empty Arms

The video is a bit slow but it puts into words how so many people feel. Its always nice to know you are not alone :)

**More to come on my return to blogging--thank you so much for all the recent emails, they really helped push me to return! :)

Skinnygirl!

NORMALLY, I am not the type to obsess over a celebrity and do crazy things for them........BUT I definitely broke out of my shell Friday by waiting for 2 hours outside in freezing cold rain for a chance to meet Bethenny Frankel!

Yep, she came to Dallas on Friday to stop at several liquor stores and sign bottles of her famous Skinnygirl Margaritas. One of her last stops for the day was a store in Addison, which is where I, along with 1000 other people, camped out for a chance to see her. I went with one of my besties and neither one of us were prepared for the thundestorm that rolled through as we waited outside of the store. We must have been such a sore sight to see as we huddled underneath 1 umbrella together while we sat DRIPPING with rain! :) It was definitely an experience.

After my 2 hour wait, I was finally able to get into the store (soaking clothes and all) and finally was able to meet Bethenny while she signed my bottle. Her security had everyone moving so quickly through the store that you basically only got a chance to say hi, then have a photographer take a quick picture, before you were escorted out. The pictures the photographer took are supposedly going to be uploaded to Facebook, but so far they have not been posted :( Either way it was totally worth it--especially now that I have my signed bottle proudly displayed in my kitchen!

NIAW and a Recap of Our Story

I have had quite a few bitter-sweet moments over the past couple of days while researching and following information on NIAW: National Infertility Awareness Week. It saddens me that more people are not aware that this even exists- although up until very recently I was one of the many people oblivious to it too. I find it very ironic considering that around this same time last year Husband and I made the very difficult decision of seeking fertility treatment with a specialist. At that time I had no idea how greatly our lives would be changed by infertility, I had not started my blog as an outlet for our frustrations, and I certainly did not imagine I would still be sitting here searching for a way to add to our family.

For those of you who are new to my blog (or those that wish to hear more details on our journey) here is a recap of what Husband and I have endured during our struggle with infertility:

Husband and I were married in September 2009 and almost immediately began trying to add to our family (we had dated for 5 years before marriage so we were already desperate for a little one). After 2-3 months of no luck and no positive ovulation tests, I requested to have a consultation with my doctor and asked that some tests be run (I had some suspicions that things may not be "alright"). I will say this over and over: I am VERY LUCKY my doctor was willing to test me so early- most doctors will not take the time to go through everything until at least 6 months of TTC. After another 3 months of bloodwork, ultrasounds, and other tests, I was officially diagnosed with PCOS- polycystic ovarian syndrome. At this time my doctor felt she was no longer able to help us and strongly urged that we seek the care of a specialist. This was in April 2010- probably around the same week of NIAW :)

We researched doctors in our area and quickly found an Infertility Center and doctor that we felt would be right for us. Over the course of the last year we have tried Clomid, Follistim injections, and have struggled through 3 failed IUI cycles. In January of this year, our doctor decided that it would be too risky to continue moving forward with these treatments (for several reasons) and we learned that IVF would likely be our best option moving forward.

Now, several months later, Husband and I have still not realized our dream of expanding our family. We are very hesitant to move forward with IVF, for various reasons, and have decided to learn how to be happy with just the two of us for now. The past 1 1/2 years have been such an emotional rollercoaster and have taken such a toll on the both of us. We realized that we were going through each day hoping for some kind of answer to the question "why us?" and were worried that we were headed down the wrong path emotionally.

We are still very much hopeful that we will have Baby Hill soon and still plan on moving forward with IVF sometime within the next year. BUT for now, we have had to learn how to appreciate what we do have in each other and how to enjoy what we do have already. Is it still hard? YES! Do I still have days where I just break down and cry? YES! But I have learned to not have those days everyday and that there is still plenty to be happy about around me.

Reading information and seeing segments on the news about things like NIAW have been such a big help for me. I love knowing I am not alone-- according to research there are over 7 million people struggling with infertility. More and more research is being conducted everyday and awareness of this very difficult "disease" (as it is now being called) continues to grow. As hard as it may be to talk about at times, I love being able to help spread awareness and share our story to others! Now, if only we could find our happy ending :)

To learn more on NIAW and Infertility go here: NIAW

Happy (LATE) Easter!

Before eating their dessert:

After eating their dessert (with chocolate all over their faces!):

........and much more on our hectic life coming Wednesday! Hope everyone enjoyed their holiday weekend :)

Top 2 Tuesday

This week's topic is a fun one: Top 2 Drinks! I actually chose to go the non-alcoholic way since I drink these on a more frequent basis :)

1) Iced Tea-Im pretty "plain jane" when it comes to my tea- no fancy flavors for me, just give me some basic Lipton! And in case you guys dont already think Im weird from some things you have heard in the past.........I hate sweet tea, but cant drink tea without sugar in it! I know, you are probably confused but: I have to be the one to put the sugar in and I let it sit at the bottom and drink it with a straw so I get a couple of crystals of sugar with each sip :) Yep, Im weird- but I promise its soooo good! 2) Caramel Frappuccino- this would really just say "anything Starbucks", but I guess that would be cheating so this is my favorite drink of theirs :) go to Taylors blog to play along :)

April Birthday Fun!

As I have probably already mentioned, April is quite the busy month for the Hill family between all the birthdays and parties planned over the next couple of weeks. Last weekend we kicked off the month with a weekend celebration for Husband's birthday (#24). We started with sushi and drinks with some good friends Friday evening and finished Sunday afternoon with a birthday lunch surrounded by 20+ of our close family and friends. It was such a wonderful and fun weekend, except for one little problem.............I forgot to take pictures!!!! I have ZERO pictures from our fun sushi night and only took a couple from his Sunday lunch (I know, I am a horrible wife!). So here is what I managed to take: Me and Husband Husband's "birthday cake"- Peanut Butter Cup Cheesecake (my new favorite thing to eat!)

Husband with his parents :)

Yep, those are pretty much the only good pics- I told you I was horrible!

This weekend we helped celebrate the birthday of a very special, sweet little girl! Our friends have the cutest baby named Adelyn and she turned the big 1 this weekend.

She had the most adorable cake (a pink and white bear!)

She was so excited when her mom handed her the cake to eat! Doesnt she have the cutest smile?!?!

One of our friends did an amazing job baking all the cakes and cupcakes!!

Me and the birthday girl---- I am looking forward to having some playdates with her this summer! (she was too busy looking at balloons to look at the camera)

Coming up this weekend: a baby shower and helping some friends celebrate their engagement! :)

Getting to Know Me (DBM)

I am actually doing this post for the Dallas Blogger Meetup- but its fun for anyone!

I know I have done a couple of these in the past so I tried to think of some new things that I have not shared (but forgive me if I have already mentioned these before!)

*I strongly dislike Chocolate

*My husband thinks Im crazy because I love Ramen Noodles

*When putting away my laundry, the freshly washed clothes have to go at the bottom in my drawers so that everything is used evenly (like t-shirts, underwear, shorts, etc)--The same rule goes for our dishes

*I have 2 adorable dogs- one doberman mix, the other is an australian shepherd mix---both were rescued and we have vowed to rescue all of our dogs in the future (I think I have posted this on here before)

*I am weirdly obsessed with the tv show Sister Wives (on TLC)--- if you dont know what I am talking about go watch it!

*I hate change-- or not having control in situations

*I met Husband in our high school Psychology class :)

*I HATE working out

*I dont understand why I cant be a princess (how did Kate Middleton get so lucky?)

*I have never broken a bone/had any surgeries (except for my tonsils)

*My favorite number is 8

*I am very indecisive---mainly because I will weigh the pros and cons of every decision! Then I worry I will make the wrong choice

*I am a worry freak!

If you are attending DBM and want to play along link up here

Top 2 Tuesday- Ipod picks :)

Its about time that I join back in on the Top 2 Tuesday Fun!!! This week's topic is your favorite Ipod songs:

Since I tend to change my "favorite" song a lot, I decided to let you know my CURRENT favorites:

1) Adele- Rolling in the Deep



I am insanely obsessed with this song right now and cant help but sing along at the top of my lungs whenever it comes on---- and in case you are wondering, I have THE WORST singing voice (Husband even says so!)

2) Katy Perry- E.T.

I decided not to post this video because I just watched it for the first time today and it totally freaked me out! (Seeing "aliens" will make me have nightmares!)

Go link up at Taylor's blog to join in! :)

What We Have Been Up To.......

Wow, this month is turning into quite a busy month for me! Time has been flying by and all of a sudden I realized I have not been a good blogger!!! :( Over the next couple of weeks I have: Husband's birthday, several friends birthdays, a baby shower, some work events and 2 tests for school!

In between preparing for all of these upcoming events, Husband and I have been trying to come up with some new ways to enjoy ourselves.........like having long talks over Sunday Brunch, driving aimlessly to explore new parts of the cities around us, and taking our dogs for hikes around the nearby lake:

Between our two busy schedules (and Husband working weekends), we have learned it is hard to find "down-time" where we can just enjoy each other's company. With the warmer weather approaching, I am hoping we can start exploring some nearby parks and maybe even enjoy a picnic or two! :)

And, most importantly, I need to show you my new obsession..........OUR NEW CAR!

Husband and I had been debating on buying a new car for quite some time, but kept arguing over which car to buy. We finally settled on my dream car- the Infiniti EX. I have been dying for one for about 2 years now, but it took some time to convince Husband that we really needed it! Luckily for me, Husbands car started experiencing some problems- so instead of paying to have it fixed, we traded it in for this beauty!

Of course, its always a battle to determine who gets to drive it each day! :)

Happy Wednesday!

What Im Loving Wednesday

Yep, Im a little behind the times because this is my very first "What Im Loving Wednesday" post! Not quite sure why I did not join in on the fun before because I always love reading all of your posts whenever you do it!

This week I am loving:

........These Steve Madden wedges I just HAD TO HAVE! (I bought them in black)

.......that we ate dinner at Maggiano's with a group of friends last night! Good Italian food, some wine and laughter---Perfect!

............Taylor's amazing candles! I have Apple Cinnamon Brown Sugar burning in my kitchen right now and it smells sooooo good!

........AND I'm loving that after a long morning of cleaning out our garage, Husband and I are spending a relaxing afternoon on the couch catching up on our DVR :)

Happy Wednesday!

Wordless Wednesday: Girls Night Out!

We Are Going To..........

EUROPE!

We have officially booked our trip for our anniversary in September! Spain, France, Italy- check, check, check! Since this is our first trip to Europe, we have decided to take a cruise so that we can see multiple countries, but the best part is that after our cruise we will be spending an extra day in Rome! I cannot tell you how excited I am to see all of this:

This is such a huge deal for Husband and me--- we have been wanting to go for several years and we just kept thinking "maybe someday". Now, with our new outlook on life we just figure WHY NOT? **plus it helps that I had some miles saved up for my ticket :) All I know is September cannot come fast enough!

You All Rock!!!

All I can say is WOW! Thank you all for those awesome comments from my depressing post last week! I got a smile on my face each time I read one of your comments and they really helped me realize I am not alone in this. So many of you have felt the exact same way and those of you that havent, you have been so supportive!

Last week was definitely a rough week, but I am putting that all behind me. I have learned that I need to get out more and just enjoy myself, without staying home and worrying about what may or may not ever happen. I think Husband and I were both kind of in a funk these last couple of weeks, but we have now made a pact to try and enjoy what we have even more!

So, thank you- all of you! You all helped me make it through last week with a smile! I have some exciting events coming up within the next couple of weeks and I cannot wait to get back to writing some happier posts to share with you all! :)

WARNING: Depressing Post Ahead!

I promised myself when I started this blog that I would not write any depressing, "poor me", "I hate infertility" posts, but today I cant help it and I really need to vent so here it goes..........

I have officially reached the "Everyone is pregnant but me" stage :( Literally, everyone IS pregnant but me! I feel like I woke up one morning and then Bham! everyone is pregnant! Dont believe me? For starters, I now have 3 co-workers that are pregnant- yes, THREE!- and keep in mind I work in a small office consisting of only about 15 people. That means there is quite a bit of talk every day that involves baby showers, buying baby clothes, baby names, pregnancy cravings, pregnancy sickness, etc the list goes on and on. And that is just at my work! Outside of work I have continued to watch women battle their own inferitlity struggles and succeed with pregnancy all during the time I have been endlessly waiting for my own.

The worst part of this is, I am happy for all of these women- GENIUNELY happy! I want to be able to help them celebrate their excitement. I want to be able to disuss baby names with them. I want to go buy them lots of onesies, bottles, and burp clothes. BUT, at the same time I dont understand why I cant have a piece of that fairytale as well. If everyone around me gets their "happily ever after", why not me? And as much as I really, truly want to believe everything happens for a reason, I cant help thinking at the same time what did I do to deserve this?

So while I was feeling down earlier today I texted Husband to let him know and here was his exact response: "I know it will happen. I just know babe. You and I are just too awesome to not have a kid. It has to happen." As much as that makes me smile, I also feel so sad because Husband has been so great through all of this and has continued to hold his head high. He still remains so positive and is completely sure that we will end up happy when all of this is over. How am I supposed to respond to that?

So now that I have vented, I hope I havent lost all of my followers :) I really have tried to embrace our infertility and I do feel very grateful for what I have learned through all of this and all of the wonderful people I have met. But I feel that my time should be over, I am ready to move on already! What did all of you do when you were struggling? I have been trying to come up with ways to keep myself busy and Husband has agreed to let me plan a big vacation for us this year so we can just get away for a bit. I would love to hear what worked for you guys to get your mind off of it.

**Oh, and those of you that are pregnant or have kids, please know that I love reading your blogs and I love the comments I receive from you guys. I dont want anyone to think that I am mad or upset towards those who have children--- this vent was totally for selfish reasons and is about our particular situation. Please still send me your stories because I always love reading about others who have been blessed with "a little one"- they continue to give me hope and something to look forward to! :)

In Shopping Heaven!

After being stuck inside all last week (because of all the crazy Texas snow!), I finally ventured out this weekend.........and of course my first destination was the mall!

Most of you already know, but Im OBSESSED with Nordstrom! So Saturday I met up with a friend for lunch and a bit of shopping------------Husband was not happy when he saw that I came home with this:


Maybe I went a little over the budget we had discussed before hand :( BUT, as I explained to Husband, I got some great things! Now that a lot of the spring clothing is coming in to stores, I just cant help myself! :)

Oh, and I thought I would throw in a picture of me and my bestie from Super Bowl Sunday :)

*** The scarf I am wearing is one of my purchases from my shopping trip :)

Winter Wonderland!

For those of you that do not live in North Texas, we have had some crazy weather this week! On top of the the inch or 2 of ice that we already have covering everything from earlier this week, I woke up this mornig to see this outside..........

This is the 4th day in a row that schools and businesses have been shut down! I had every intention of FINALLY venturing out to the mall today- but now it looks like that wont be happening :(

Its looking like today I will be cuddled up by the fire with my Kindle instead!

Back to School I Go!!

Well, I have officially given up my Saturdays! About a week ago I "lightly" mentioned it, but for those of you that missed it...........I am finally going back to school! I made it all the way up until my senior year of college and then just stopped before finishing--- mostly due to planning a wedding. Then after the wedding, one thing led to another, we started thinking babies (we all know how that went), then before I knew it a year and a half had passed!

I am only about 5-6 classes away from graduation so I am determined more than ever to finish! That, and Husband has been talking A LOT lately about getting his Masters, so I am taking that as my hint that I need to hurry up! :)

I went to my first class this past Saturday and it went great! I actually think taking the time off helped-- I am actually excited about going back to school and learning new things! For anyone who is interested, my degree will be in Marketing and I am currently taking a Real Estate/Investment class (Im starting off slow with only 1 class this semester).

Wish me luck!

I-V-F

Well, its looking more and more like Baby Hill will be a "test tube baby".......... Today Husband and I officially entered into a new world of infertility---- the world of In Vitro Fertilization, or IVF. We sat down for our first IVF consultation today and to be honest, I think both Husband and I are still in denial about everything. Seeing pictures like the one below and thinking about everything involved in the whole process is kind of freaking me out at the moment........

I created this blog with the intention of recording our infertility journey and wanting to spread awarness on this "taboo topic". Up until I started this blog I personally had not known anyone that experienced infertility (to my knowledge) and I feel that many of our friends and family had no idea how to approach the subject when learning that we were struggling. I love that many of you have emailed me to ask questions or show support and in return, I know I will probably be emailing some of you that have experienced IVF because all of this is so new to me!

So here's where we stand: We have now endured 3 failed IUI cycles and our doctor highly doubts a 4th attempt would be successful. Knowing this, Husband and I have decided we will not move forward with an IUI again--- instead, our next step will be to begin IVF. Honestly, we are still completely unsure of when we will move forward. Between the costs, emotions, and everything else involved neither one of us feel comfortable beginning within the next month or two. But we are very hopeful that before the years end we will be ready!

For now, thank you all for your support! You will all be hearing more details as we get more comfortable with the idea of it, but for now Husband and I have many discussions and debates ahead of us!

Blogger Awards and Meet Up!

I would like to say a big, BIG thank you to Stephanie from Houghton Happenings and Al from Traffic Jelly for awarding me with this:

Both of these ladies are great and I enjoy reading their blogs so much! Stephanie is currently preggo with her 2nd little one and its a baby girl! I just cant wait to see pictures when she finally arrives!
Al has been such an inspiring woman with everything she has overcome in this past year. She has learned to roll with what life throws her way and she has held her head high through it all! I really hope to see some great things come her way in 2011!

With this award, I am to list 7 things about myself and award it to others, so here we go:
*I am headed back to school (more about this to come later in the week!)
*I love all things pink- its my favorite color
*Husband and I have made a pact that all of our dogs will be adopted (because there are so many good ones out there deserving a loving home!), but I understand that not everyone wishes to do this
*I am watching the Golden Globes while writing this post :)
*I am currently obsessed with eating organic yogurt with sliced fruit for breakfast each morning- it makes me feel like I am starting my day off right!
*I absolutely love traveling-- and will finally get to travel outside of North America on our anniversary trip in September! (some of you may know where, but I am not officially sharing until we get the trip completely booked!)
*For new readers: I have now been struggling with infertility for 1 year and 3 months

Blogs I am tagging:
Brittany's Blessings
The Kubeczka Family
The Schulers
A Complete Waste of Makeup

Lastly, I am getting super excited for this:





Yes, I will be attending for the ENTIRE WEEKEND and I hope to see many of your faces there! One of my besties, Taylor, is putting it together and I am looking forward to helping her organize some of the events! Everyone start getting excited because it will be AMAZING! :)

Top 2 Tuesday

This weeks topic is..............Strange Addictions!

Apparently this topic was a little too hard for me :) Every addiction that I kept coming up with was not a STRANGE addiction (coffee, iced tea, shopping), so I had Husband answer for me and here is what he says are my 2 Strange Addictions:

1) Picking the skin on my fingers/lips------ Yes, this is probably gross to most people, but I cannot help constantly picking at the skin around my fingers or picking at my chapped lips- even to the point of making myself bleed :( It drives Husband crazy!

2) Every time I eat popcorn (which is several times a week!) I HAVE TO lick the butter off the popcorn bag! I know this is probably absolute worst thing to do, but I just cannot help it!

3rd time's a charm??

Today we officially began treatment for IUI #3. After going to the doctor early Friday morning for a sono, I received some very good news--- No Cyst!! This meant we were able to jump right back into treatment without having to wait another month for the cyst to go away (like we have had to do the last 2 times). We are hoping this is a good sign of what is to come!


On a completely seperate note, IT SNOWED TODAY! I absolutely love how everything looks in our neighborhood when its dusted with some snow :)

Bachelor Night!

Monday night we went over to Taylor's house for our normal "bachelor night" now that the show is back on!

This has become a favorite tradition of mine over the past couple of years---- every Monday night we get together, watch The Bachelor, and our husbands join in while endlessly making fun of every single contestant on the show! This always makes for a fun-filled night!

Although, I have to say I was not impressed with any of the women so far! Do any of you have any favorites already? There were obviously some drama-makers (which will be fun to watch) and the Vampire Girl scared me to death, but so far I do not have any that I am actually rooting for. We will have to wait and see.........