I promised myself when I started this blog that I would not write any depressing, "poor me", "I hate infertility" posts, but today I cant help it and I really need to vent so here it goes..........
I have officially reached the "Everyone is pregnant but me" stage :( Literally, everyone IS pregnant but me! I feel like I woke up one morning and then Bham! everyone is pregnant! Dont believe me? For starters, I now have 3 co-workers that are pregnant- yes, THREE!- and keep in mind I work in a small office consisting of only about 15 people. That means there is quite a bit of talk every day that involves baby showers, buying baby clothes, baby names, pregnancy cravings, pregnancy sickness, etc the list goes on and on. And that is just at my work! Outside of work I have continued to watch women battle their own inferitlity struggles and succeed with pregnancy all during the time I have been endlessly waiting for my own.
The worst part of this is, I am happy for all of these women- GENIUNELY happy! I want to be able to help them celebrate their excitement. I want to be able to disuss baby names with them. I want to go buy them lots of onesies, bottles, and burp clothes. BUT, at the same time I dont understand why I cant have a piece of that fairytale as well. If everyone around me gets their "happily ever after", why not me? And as much as I really, truly want to believe everything happens for a reason, I cant help thinking at the same time what did I do to deserve this?
So while I was feeling down earlier today I texted Husband to let him know and here was his exact response: "I know it will happen. I just know babe. You and I are just too awesome to not have a kid. It has to happen." As much as that makes me smile, I also feel so sad because Husband has been so great through all of this and has continued to hold his head high. He still remains so positive and is completely sure that we will end up happy when all of this is over. How am I supposed to respond to that?
So now that I have vented, I hope I havent lost all of my followers :) I really have tried to embrace our infertility and I do feel very grateful for what I have learned through all of this and all of the wonderful people I have met. But I feel that my time should be over, I am ready to move on already! What did all of you do when you were struggling? I have been trying to come up with ways to keep myself busy and Husband has agreed to let me plan a big vacation for us this year so we can just get away for a bit. I would love to hear what worked for you guys to get your mind off of it.
**Oh, and those of you that are pregnant or have kids, please know that I love reading your blogs and I love the comments I receive from you guys. I dont want anyone to think that I am mad or upset towards those who have children--- this vent was totally for selfish reasons and is about our particular situation. Please still send me your stories because I always love reading about others who have been blessed with "a little one"- they continue to give me hope and something to look forward to! :)